


Merlin's Battle

by AdyBrooke14



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Character Death, Depression, Gen, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-03
Updated: 2020-04-03
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:40:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 605
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23463343
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AdyBrooke14/pseuds/AdyBrooke14
Summary: After waiting thousands of years for Arthur to return from Avalon, Merlin grows weary and decides to join him.
Relationships: Merlin & Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 21





	Merlin's Battle

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: Suicide. I'm not sure if I need to warn you since I included it in the tags but if this kind of thing triggers you, please do not read.

Merlin felt as if he was being crushed. As if the weight of a horse had been placed upon his chest, keeping him from breathing. The pain of the tremendous agony his heart brought him. He would do anything, be anything, to make the pain subside.

He wished desperately to rip the bloody thing from his chest, to be rid of it forever. Every dark thought, every belittling comment he made of himself crushed him harder and harder, like someone was laying a stone through his chest or piercing him with a sword only he wouldn’t die. He chuckled darkly.

Death, how bad could that be anyway? What more was he than a manservant? A pet to kick and torment? Who would even miss him, anyway? Gwaine, perhaps. The knight could easily relieve his grief by being drunk. Arthur? No, his king saw him merely as a fool, a simpleton worthy of licking boots. 

Unbeknownst to Arthur, every jibe, every moment he teased Merlin, Merlin’s cloud of darkness swirled around him sending him deeper and deeper into submission. Suddenly it all hit him like a hammer. No, Arthur was no longer alive. Nor Gwaine, nor Gaius or even his own mother. Gwen, Leon, Percival, Elyan. They had all died hundreds of years ago. 

He felt like there was an animal inside him, a beast tearing away at his chest trying to escape. He bit his lip to the point it was bleeding though not profoundly. Merlin felt the tears waiting patiently behind his eyes to leak down his cheeks and drown him in his own sorrows. He simply swallowed though, not willing to do anything. He stared up meekly at the ruins of the island of Avalon. Though it was only a lake away, to Merlin it felt like a universe. His king, his world, had died in battle. What further purpose did he have then? His dragon had died leaving him without guidance, without reassurance. Arthur was dead. His destiny was complete, surely? He could finally end the torture inside him, provide a permanent cure for the agony he felt. 

He stood up shakily from his crouched position by the water and walked through the icy torrents. Deeper and deeper into the lake he walked until his feet no longer reached the bottom. He continued swimming then and finally found himself slipping beneath the waves. He closed his eyes peacefully as the air was brutally clawed from his throat and he ignored the consuming pressure of the water. Fighting his instincts to breathe, to swim, he curled in on himself and felt his body brush against the bottom. It felt like hours, days.

Out of nowhere, a pair of strong arms wrapped around him tightly. He opened his eyes and saw he was no longer under the waters of the lake, but being embraced by Arthur Pendragon. He gasped and clung to his closest friend as if he would never see him again if he let go. 

“Arthur! You came back! You- you saved me!”

Arthur’s sky blue eyes met his sapphire ones, a dark sadness brought tears in Arthur’s eyes as a sad smile graced the blond man’s features.   
"No, no Merlin I didn’t come back. You- oh, gods Merlin!” he wept, burying his face in Merlin’s shoulder.

“Arthur? I don’t understand. I thought you would be happy to see me.”

“God knows I am Merlin, but not like this! You were supposed to stay, to wait for me to get back. We were going to unite and-”

“Arthur! We have reunited! See, I’m here! I’m alive!”

“No Merlin, you aren’t. You’re dead.”


End file.
